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Hoosier United Methodist News Archives
| Hoosier United Methodist News |
April 2001 |
Nobody asked me, but …
Taking on training events
By Bill Schwein
My mailbox used to be full of solicitations for credit cards and notices to renew my magazine subscriptions. These days it's full of invitations to continuing formation events. In just the past week, I collected a stack of letters and brochures about a training event, workshop, leadership summit, academy, retreat, seminar, initiative, festival, institute, forum, symposium, convocation, conference, and school.
I can learn how to redevelop, manage, plan, lead, invite, coach, build, master, care, stretch, explore, and communicate. I could become magnetic (okay, not personally, but at least the church can), equipped, contagious and qualified - everything but motivated. If I schedule it just right, I can be gone from Easter to Annual Conference and add about 5,000 frequent flyer miles to my account.
It seems that continuing education events have increased faster than Jesus multiplied the loaves and fishes. So have the groups that offer them. Maybe that's why so many of my friends have become "consultants" and opened up "centers." The continuing education reports made by those who are left to do the work are longer than most of their sermon manuscripts. There was a time when we turned in the number of pastoral calls made. Now we only report the "CEU's" we've earned. CEU is not an abbreviation of "Clergy Evading Usefulness."
Do we really need more information? More ways to do what we're probably never going to do? Is it a matter of more "how to" or more "want to"? Or "get around to"? I am still waiting to have an opportunity to put to use most of the stuff I learned in seminary. I wish someone would ask me about how to organize the congregation around the leadership style of Obadiah. I have some terrific notes, graphs and charts.
I can just hear Mrs. Needy calling Rev. Smart, "Is the pastor in?"
Secretary: "No, he's away at a training event on how to be a better pastor. He'll be back in the office late Saturday night, but then he leaves right after church for a week with his spiritual director at Lake Tahoe. He will be checking his voice mail."
I can also hear Jesus talking with his disciples: "Fellows, remember how I sent you out two-by-two, and gave you authority over the unclean spirit? I asked you to proclaim the good news, cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers and cast out demons. How are you doing?"
St. Peter: "Well, we attended the Weeping Willow Creek Conference on How to Combine Shaking the Dust Off Your Feet and Foot-Washing Worship." And we've been over at Camelback Church for their seminar on How to Use Our Authority as a Prophet for Profit." And we went to the Crystal Synagogue for their training event on When You Can't Raise the Dead, You Can At Least Raise the Budget." We are all signed up for the Disciples-in-Training retreat at the Jordan River Academy. And."
Jesus (interrupts): "Why don't you all just plan on going to the Early Retirement Seminar and I'll try to find somebody else to cleanse the lepers and cast out demons!"
Can you imagine a basketball team that never plays a game because they are always at practice? Or an orchestra that never gives a performance because they are always in rehearsal? Or a surgeon who never operates because he is always off learning how to make better incisions?
Lest you think I'm against knowledge, I can tell you, I learned all I really need to know in kindergarten. I just have a hard time getting around to actually doing it.
The Rev. William Schwein is superintendent of the Indianapolis East District.
Last updated January 14, 2004