Some practical ideas for overcoming grief during holidays

By Ken Reed

As the holidays approach we find ourselves surrounded by all the trappings of the season. It is a time of family oriented celebrations and a time of togetherness.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, we are reminded that someone we loved dearly is no longer with us. We cannot be with our loved ones who have died; togetherness cannot happen in the same way that it used to. Once again, we are revisited by more intense feelings of loss and grief.

While the holidays and family celebrations following the first year after a loved one's death may be the hardest, a sense of loss and sadness can continue to revisit us at these significant times each year. Through remembering and rituals, we can make the holidays meaningful for ourselves, as well as a tribute to our loved ones.

This is a time to remember and know that love transcends death; a type of togetherness that can bring comfort, hope and a measure of joy for this year and all the years to come.

Display a picture of your loved one, or burn a candle daily throughout the holidays to remind you to give thanks for his or her life with you.
Do something special for someone else. It is a season for sharing; it is a little easier when we can focus on someone else, even for a brief moment.
Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, exercise and eat healthy.
Let family and others know what you need or expect. Take it easy on yourself. Make plans that can easily be carried out. Ask others to help.
Change. You don't have to do what your family has always done in the past. It may be helpful to do things differently this year, they will understand.
Give to charity. You may want to give a memorial gift in your loved one's name and memory.
You might ask family members to fill a "gratitude basket" with their favorite pictures and stories about your loved one or what they will miss the most. Remembering and sharing is comforting.
Take time for yourself, time to be alone in your grief.
Decide that you are going to enjoy the holidays, knowing there will be some loneliness and sad feelings. It is not a lack of respect or love for your deceased loved one to do so. Your loved one wants you to go on living!

The Rev. Ken Reed is a retired clergy member of the North Indiana Conference and former vice president of church relations at Methodist Hospital. Dr. Reed is now working on a program offering a new approach to bereavement ministry.

Last updated on 01/14/2004

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