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Hoosier United Methodist News Archives
| Hoosier United Methodist News |
July 2001 |
No one asked me, but …
'The Longest Day' - at Annual Conference
By Bill Schwein
History reports that "The Longest Day" was June 6, 1944 - the Invasion of Normandy. I beg to differ. The longest day was June 7, 2001. It was my first full day of Annual Conference. It wasn't my first conference; I have faithfully sent in my registration for 37 years. It was just my first full day. Here's how it went:
I stopped by the Prayer Chapel at 6 a.m. It was empty, except for one minister praying for a new appointment, joined in intercession by his current PPR chair who kept repeating, "Yes, Lord."
I went by the Cry Room at 6:05 a.m. It was full - not of little children - but of crying ministers who had just learned where they were being appointed. They obviously had not bought all that "opportunity" stuff tried on them.
I managed to drop in on a breakfast: The White Middle-aged Male Ministers Caucus (WMMMC). I have never seen so many sad faces in my life.
I stopped by the Cokesbury Display. They were all out of a book I've been searching for: Twelve Keys to the Doors God Has Closed In Your Current Appointment. I walked by every one of the 613 displays, and noticed the one sponsored by the Church Cemetery Society and their "buy one get one free" plot sale.
I went into the auditorium and took my seat. I sat through the entire session, and to keep alert I finally started counting the number of times I heard the words "empower," "paradigm," and "contemporary." I think I heard the word "money" more times than I heard the word "mission."
We discussed constitutional amendments. I voted against the one mandating that the age of the pastor must match the average age of the congregation. I also voted against the one to change how we count members in order to show denominational growth. I don't think non-resident grandchildren of inactive members should be considered full members, unless they send money. They announced the National Media Campaign. I like the theme: "Come visit us. We'll treat you like we would Jesus. We'll ignore you."
At noon, I went to the Retired Ministers lunch and enjoyed the speaker. It was a retired superintendent who talked about how wonderful it is not to be taking Prozac any longer. I sat through the Executive Session. I was impressed by the chairperson's presentation on "steps into the ordained ministry." He had this enormous chart that compared the process of getting ordained to the forty years the Israelites spent in the wilderness. It became obvious the Israelites must have had short-cuts; it takes longer for ministerial candidates.
I managed to get to the legislative session just as they were awakening the participants. I even went to the all-conference dinner, evening session, ice cream social and the bake sale.
It was a very long day.
The Rev. Bill Schwein is superintendent of the Indianapolis East District
Last updated on 01/14/2004