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Hoosier United Methodist News May 2001
Balancing accountability and grace
Dear Ed & Susan:
I'm confused. Recently our pastor was discussing the death penalty, he reminded us of the United Methodist policy that we are totally against it. If someone has brutally killed someone else, why shouldn't they receive a similar punishment? I'm not an unkind or unforgiving person, but I feel so sad about what's happened to the victims, too.
Sad and Confused
Dear Sad and Confused:
One of the pleasures and difficulties of writing a column like this is that it causes us to examine our own beliefs. This is one of those questions.
The question at hand is how to balance accountability and grace. Of course, we have biblical precedent for both, "an eye for an eye" vs. "forgive your brother 70 times 7."
The first thing I want to affirm is your sensitivity to victim's and their survivor's plight. We join with you in the sadness and outrage for the loss of life and relationship, caused by recklessness.
There really is little way to find one's path to forgiveness without first grieving and secondly having accountability. In so many of these situations, we can do our grieving work, and we can hold the person accountable, but we don't see the perpetrator acknowledging accountability. That seems to "stick in our craw" regarding the sense of justice. The movie, Dead Man Walking, illustrates much of this dilemma. People were angry with the nun for walking with this man, as an extension of God's grace; yet, she held him accountable.
So, then, we are left to deal with our feelings about the other's lack of remorse. Do we "shake it out of them?" Do we demand it? Is this the only way we have to free ourselves from our pain? And, indeed, if we do that, does it even free us from our grief? As one person acts out of hatred, impulsiveness and probably their own personal injury; how can we ask ourselves to rise above similar pain and not inflict the same act? How is it possible, in the midst of our own grief, to value the life of someone who didn't do that for a brother or sister? How can we offer grace and forgiveness and give the final verdict to God?
The Methodist Church encourages each person to make his and her own decisions about these weighty matters. It is an awesome responsibility to think, feel and pray until we come to a not-very-easy conclusion.
Practically speaking, there is no statistical evidence that punishment acts as a deterrent to future perpetrated injury.
Thank you for your question,
Ed & Susan AlleyBoth Ed and Susan Alley are Pastoral Counselors, licensed Marriage and Family Therapists and Clinical Members of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
Questions may be addressed to them, in confidence, and sent to: Kairos Center for the Family, 4337 Kessler Blvd. N. Drive, Indianapolis, IN 46228. Or e-mail the Alleys.
Last updated January 14, 2004