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Hoosier United Methodist News Archives
| Hoosier United Methodist News |
November 2001 |
No one asked me but …
Of charge conferences and dry bones
By Bill Schwein
Let's begin with a quiz.
Charge Conferences are attended by:
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Those who want to embarrass the pastor in front of the D. S. by asking how many visits to shut-ins were made during the last year.
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Those who show up every time the church doors are open and even carry a copy of The Discipline with them to worship, along with their Bible.
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Those who care about Accountable Reimbursement Policies.
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All of the above.
Charge Conferences are inevitable - like football, frost and falling leaves in the fall-because The Discipline says they "shall meet annually." But The Discipline doesn't say they "shall be a waste of time." In an effort to make this yearly ritual more enjoyable (at least bearable), I spent time brainstorming with a focus group made up of people who had left The United Methodist Church and gone to "independent, non-denominational, community, congregational" churches. I figured if God could make a valley of dry bones come alive and promises to "make all things new," surely God could do something with Charge Conferences. After a long weekend of spiritual discernment, here's what we came up with:
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Conduct the business of the Charge Conference in a chat room on the Internet.
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Schedule a conference call. Church members could stay at home and also watch the new fall TV shows-or get in their cars and use their cell phones while taking their kids to soccer practice.
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Have the organist (if you still have one) play that ballpark crescendo to fire up the crowd, then have everyone shout, "Charge.Conference!" Put all the reports on those screens that are in many sanctuaries. Use the drums that replaced the pipe organ for a drum roll before the pastor's salary is announced.
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Have the removal of inactives from the membership rolls done in litany fashion. The people could respond with "Depart, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels." (Mt. 25:41)
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Schedule the meeting during breakfast at Bob Evans. Think of the witness we'd make with all those unchurched folks sitting at nearby tables! I can hear them say, "Wow! That church stuff is really exciting! Maybe I ought to attend worship with them next Sunday!"
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Include a "Children's Moment," and have the pastor tell the kids about the importance of being honest, as in reporting statistics.
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Only report statistics from twenty-five years ago, the "good old days" in most churches.
The Rev. Bill Schwein is superintendent of the Indianapolis East District and, in addition, has also had the "charge conference experience" from pew and pulpit points of view.
Last updated on 01/14/2004