A church unsafe for children?

Dear Susan and Ed

Oh, I'm just so upset! How could they do that? What will God do with them? Is that any way to run a church?

Well, I guess I should tell you what upsets me. It's those Catholic priests doing bad things with little boys and girls. And then, the bishops not stopping them, just sending them to another church! I sure hope there is nothing like that going on in my church.

Signed,
Upset, mad and scared

Dear UMS,

It is clear you are upset, mad and scared. And it is understandable. We all look to the church as a place of peace and safety, where our children can go to get what they need to be good citizens, Christian men and women, and grow in grace.

It is tragic that the trust we place in some in the church has been betrayed. And looking the other way, giving people another chance without knowing that they will not repeat their offense, covering up, even being sad and penitent will not restore those who have been harmed to health and wholeness.

But -- and this is a big but -- there must be something we can learn as United Methodists from this. First of all, let us pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ within the Roman Catholic Church. Then, let us notice that sin is everywhere, and that such offenses as are now in the news could well -- and probably have -- happened here.

We know that what is not discussed, what is left unmentioned, what is kept in secret, often comes to hurt us. We know that when people don't pay attention to their feelings -- like anger, past hurts and fear -- they can make unconscious decisions, and often these choices hurt ourselves and other people. Sometimes these feelings are acted out in sexual ways.

The Church has long wondered what to do with human sexuality. We say and believe that it is a gift from God. But it is so powerful and, to some, such a mystery, even fearful, that we often do not talk about it. And, we do not understand it. So we keep it secret, keep it under wraps, don't look at it. But it will not go away.

The explanations for what has happened in these sexual offenses are very complex, and perhaps the "explanations" are unique to each situation. It is not because of homosexuality. It is not because of celibacy. It is not simply because of pedophilia. It is not because of church politics.

So, let us look inside ourselves and our own wonderings about sexuality. Our own church is in deep controversy about whether homosexuality, like heterosexuality, is a gift of God. Our own fears about the power of sexuality show up in many ways.

Let us pray for the soul of the church in these matters, whatever the church. Let us seek God's wisdom in how to handle this divine and powerful gift. Let us find ways of helping the victims of sexual abuse, wherever they may be found. Let us hold all who harm little children responsible for their actions. Let us find a way to be compassionate that does not put more people in harm's way.

Oh, my Lord, teach us to pray, that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Sincerely,
Susan and Ed Alley

Letters may be sent to the Alleys at the Kairos Center for the Family, 4337 Kessler Blvd. N. Drive, Indianapolis, Ind. 46228.

Last updated on 01/14/2004

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